PDX Night Skyline / Gift Impotence

Night Skyline with Hawthorne Bridge

Hawthorne Bridge over the Willamette River
Portland, Oregon
January 25, 2007
4-second exposure

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Sunday was Mother's Day -- yet another reminder that I am not a good gift-giver.

In my imagination, there are people out there in the world somewhere who love to give gifts, for whom it is a sincere expression of their gratitude and a beautiful reflection of their relationship with the recipient.

Why can't I get into that? For me, gift-giving is a chore, an obligation, an assignment, a test which I will inevitably and embarrassingly fail. I have almost never in my life thought of a thing I really wanted to buy for someone and give to them. If I ever did have a thought like that, it is even more unlikely that it would coincide with a scheduled gift-giving occasion.

Do those perfect gift-giving people actually exist? Or are they the fairies and gnomes of holiday charity, a mythical concept designed to motivate and/or keep in line the charity-less schlubs like me?

As I struggle with this issue, I see an opportunity to highlight some of my finer qualities:

> I am cheap. Spending money is difficult for me, so I do as little of it as possible.

> I am selfish, which is a close cousin of cheapness, my reluctance to give anyone else my money or anything gained by my money. (See also: public radio membership drives.) Also I'm self-centered, so it's hard for me to think of what someone else might want or enjoy. So hard.

> I am disorganized, and I procrastinate. It comes as no surprise, I'm sure, that I wait too long before working on choosing and getting a gift. I should be planning right now for Christmas.

> I am lazy. Thinking of a good gift requires significant effort. And then you have to go get it. And spend money on it?! Bleh!

On the flip-side, I can *always* think of something that *I* want. And while I put-off spending the money on myself, if someone wanted to give it to me as a gift, I would be willing to accept it. As long as I don't have to get up from the couch here. -=-